We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
