So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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