So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So vagazzling was a success
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
