Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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