Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
