you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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