so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
