sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
