he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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