I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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