he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
