quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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