I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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