He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
