Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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