you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
