how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
