Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
