Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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