Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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