I met the friendliest cop last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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