STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
