guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
