I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
