And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
