If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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