I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
