I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
