Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
