I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
