that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
