Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
