I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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