It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Randomize
