she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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