***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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