I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
