Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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