Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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