Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
