i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
