I'm so fucking centered right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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