New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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