Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
