i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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