He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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