I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
