can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you didnt know i had herpes?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
