the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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