last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
