WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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