Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
